I am a person that believes in signs. I feel that if you
truly look you can find a sign to point you in the right direction and lead to
the path you are supposed to be on. I recently found a small sign from the
comedian Jim Carey. Pretty funny that I am making life decisions based on the
loud words of a comedian… but you don’t ask for what the sign is, you are just
grateful to have found it. Jim Carey was doing a commencement speech and I stumbled
across it on YouTube. Jim Said “So many of us chose our path out of fear disguised
as practicality”. As I listened to those word “fear” “practicality” I realized
that I was one of those people, and the path that I was on was not that path I was
supposed to be on…
I figured I would catch you guys up on my crazy blonde
life... After being fired from the radio station and working on the importance
of forgiveness, I got a job as a corporate recruiter in Boston. My job was to
help people find jobs! Sounds pretty neat, helping people find their dream, but
the reality of this job was far from that... My job was actually forcing people
to choose a life of practicality. I needed to convince people to take the jobs
that I had for them because they had nothing else and I had to rely on people
who didn't want to work, to show up at these jobs in order for me to be
successful in my job. My job was very difficult and even less fulfilling.
To make matters worse, I was thrown into a high stress
environment where my coworkers were stressed out and frustrated all the time. I
was told I needed to earn friendships and prove myself. I was yelled at for
laughing and for being too nice to people’s needs… I was meeting new people every day, but felt
all alone.
My life was this…Wake up at 5am. Leave the house
before 6am. Work 8am to 5pm. Drive home in rush hour traffic. Get
home at 7pm. Go to the gym to burn off the stress of the day. Got to bed.
Start all over. I was trying to convince myself that this is what adult life
was like. This is what "successful" people do. In reality, there are
two kinds of successful people: the kind that make lots of money, and the kind
that are happy. I was neither. And I was settling for the practical path
because I was afraid I would not get anything better…
I hated the person I was becoming, and worst of all, I felt
trapped. After a few months of going through the motions, having many meetings
with my boss about the job, and finally having a full blown anxiety attack, I
decided to choose happiness.
If you have never experienced an anxiety attack, by the way,
let me describe it to you... Small ones feel like you are drunk. Your head is
constantly spinning and people are talking to you, but you really cannot
comprehend what's going on. You feel like you might pass out at any moment, and
you have little control of your body.
A real anxiety attack is much worse! Your lungs fill up with
air and you feel like an elephant is sitting on your chest. You try and you try
but you cannot seem to catch your breath. You feel at any moment your life
could end and you have absolutely no control. It was after a moment like this
that I realized corporate life was not worth risking my health.
After leaving work that day and finally getting my breath
back, I quit my job. I didn't feel sad or scared, but relieved. I knew I would
get another job and had made the right decision. For the first time in months,
I felt like me again... And that is how I landed in the island of misfit toys a
“practical” job for now until the right opportunity to follow my dreams come
along..
