The Energy Pirate

We all have them. An Energy Pirate is the guy or girl that we like so much we let them control our happiness and our mood. We let them steal our energy and focus on them and not ourselves. 

My Energy Pirate, or EP I’ll call him for short, was this guy at my work, which as much as we have been through, I am still trying to get over. 

We met at work, and I can remember the first time I saw him walk by me, it was a cold night in February and he didn’t even see me, but I remember thinking I would love to work here and with a guy like that. He was so good looking. I had forgotten about him until I got called in for a second interview and he was sitting in the room asking me questions. Talk about nerves, trying to get a job and impress the cute guy across the table. 

I knew I liked him when he felt comfortable enough to joke with me right off the bat, asking me if I ran from the highway, because I was out of breathe? In actuality I was having a mini anxiety attack but tried to cover the whole thing up. Once I got the job we bonded quickly. and I fell for him quickly.

We were talking everyday about nothing and about everything. Finally after a long day at a work event, and a few drinks he convinced me that he had the best view of the Zachem Bridge in Boston, and because I liked him so much, and because I didn’t want to drive home, and because he offered me the most comfortable sweatpants I went back with him.

I can remember that night clearly based on the fact I have never done that before, and because I have never in my life felt more safe with a guy. I can remember when he kissed me I got butterflies, one of the only guys I have ever kissed who gave me butterflies, (now as I write this I am scared I will never get that feeling again). Needless to say, hung out a few more times and I questioned everything, because I thought it was too good to be true. I thought he was too good for me and I did not deserve him. 

I let me insecurities get the best of me and one night when we had a fight, which I was very dramatic about. I accused him of liking another girl in the office, which I later found out to be true. I said some hurtful things to him. Things that might have struck a nerve in him from a past relationship, but I truly will never know. 

I spent the next few months on his shit list, the most awful list in the whole world. I am talking about the nicest guy, besides the fact that he dropped me like a bad habit for another girl. Regardless I somehow managed to bring out the mean and coldness in him. Every time I tried to fix things he would comeback with some rude comment or he would ignore me in the office, or act like I was nothing to him, but worse of all he would act like I meant nothing to him. I would leave work crying, because I let him steal my happiness. 

After about six months of his torture, and trying to move on with other guys that never really gave me the same feelings as he did, we tried to be friends. I liked being he EP’s friend. The only problem with being his friend is that it brought back all the feelings I had for him. I mean seriously we went from passion to extreme hate, with no time to heal in between.

I was recently “let go” from work and he quit the day after. I know it had nothing to do with me, but deep down I wish it had. I recently came to the realization that feeling for him is like a cancer. If I ever want to move on or if he is ever going to miss me, I have to leave him alone, and go on my version of Chemo. 

I have to convince myself that he never truly cared about me, and he is never going to do a random act of love like you see in the movies. It is the only way I am able to cope with the situation we are in.

I recently saw him at a going away party, and it truly made me sad that, that was probably  the last time we would ever see each other. The ball is in his court, and right now I feel we are in different leagues.

So why did I write about the Energy Pirate? To inform every one that we all have energy pirates, and in order to fight them, we have to train our minds, to one feel the feeling that we feel. Two not let them take our happy feelings from us. We have the power to decide who is in our lives, and once a person decides they do not want to be in our lives, we have to accept it and move on. I know I know this is way easier said than done, and I am still struggling to get rid of the feelings I have for EP.